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Debating Deeks: The State of Post-Mexico Densi


In the wake of the Season 10 premiere, many viewers questioned whether Deeks’ and Kensi’s argument at the end of Season 9 would ever be more directly addressed on the show. That premiere saw them reconcile with only a brief exchange, with Deeks telling Kensi, “I was wrong, I wanna marry you.” What are we to make of this, especially when combined with Eric Christian Olsen telling wikiDeeks that though the two characters haven’t yet had a deeper conversation, it’s not important because for Deeks: “…It doesn’t matter to him the timeline of when these things happen, as far as kids and her staying in or getting out. Whether it’s two years or five years or fifteen years it doesn’t matter, he just wants to be with her.”

Is Deeks giving into Kensi’s desires, allowing her to dictate their future? If so, is that OK? And how might that decision affect both of them in the long run? Psyched and Karen P. discussed the topic, with Psyched taking the view that this turn of events is perfectly acceptable, and Karen taking the side that it’s decidedly not.

Karen: OK, I’ll start this off by saying that I’m a little upset at what I see as Deeks caving in to Kensi’s wishes. Hopefully we just haven’t been given the full picture yet, but from Eric’s quote above as well as the similar things he shared in our interview with him, I’m not sure that’s the case.

Psyched: I get where you’re coming from Karen, but I don’t believe that Deeks caved in to Kensi’s wishes. That phrase suggests that after the initial argument in the garage they continued to discuss or argue the matter and that Kensi ultimately wore Deeks down until he gave up and gave her what she wanted, which is untrue.

I think it’s more accurate to say that Deeks changed his mind. He was seriously injured and as a result realized that NCIS or no NCIS, kids or no kids, he would rather be with Kensi than without her. Eric said this very well in his response that included: “…I’d rather take two moments [with her], than a hundred with somebody else.”

Karen: OK, maybe “caving” is too strong a term- just call me protective of my favorite character! I get what you’re saying about them not really discussing it further and that Deeks has changed his mind without any badgering from Kensi. But he appears to be choosing between two options here when in fact, there are three. Deeks sees it as a choice between breaking up with Kensi to find someone else who might want a family, and a safer lifestyle (the “Hundred Moments” option), versus going along with Kensi for as long as she wants to stay in the job- or until one of them is killed- the “Two Moments” version. For Deeks, option #1, leaving Kensi, is simply unthinkable. But a third option would be some sort of compromise involving time limits, plans to try to have kids, or at least plans for Deeks to move on to a safer job.

Psyched: I agree that there is another option for Densi, but that’s more long-term at this point. Their immediate concern was whether to even get married, and nearly dying made Deeks decide that as long as they were together, the rest could come in time. I don’t think Deeks has necessarily given up on option #3, nor should he. But he knows his partner well enough to understand that she still needs time and that they will eventually come to some sort of resolution, hopefully in the form of a compromise.

Karen: I guess that’s where I feel slightly disappointed in Kensi. It’s not that she’s demanding or dictating anything at this point. It’s more like she’s happy to take advantage of the fact that Deeks has given up on option #3, at least for now. Waiting for the “eventual resolution” you describe is a risky strategy for Deeks; as he put it, “The longer we stay in, the better chance this ends really poorly for us.”

Psyched: No doubt about that, but it’s clearly a risk he’s willing to take for now. I do have to quibble with the idea that Kensi is “taking advantage,” though, because she didn’t push for this or manipulate anything to get Deeks to change his mind. That said, she’s certainly not looking this gift horse in the mouth either! Hopefully Kensi considers it a temporary reprieve on that discussion.

Back to one of the original questions, if Deeks is allowing Kensi to dictate their future, I think it is a future he was satisfied with until recently. We’ve never seen Deeks push Kensi about when to leave NCIS the way he did in the finale. In fact, in “Assets” Deeks acknowledged that would have been “selfish” (“I’m not saying that you have to quit this job that you love, ’cause that would be selfish, and I wouldn’t say that. But maybe it’s time that I do.”).

Karen: Fair enough, I’m happy to rephrase “taking advantage” to your “gift horse” analogy. And very good point, Deeks has always been 100% supportive of Kensi’s career and her Wonder Woman nature. It’s one of the things I love most about him. You’re also right that until relatively recently, he’s continued in that vein, never wanting her to have to change who she is. But over time we have seen them talk about having children and their ramifications, albeit in a frustratingly inconsistent way. For example, a full season before “Assets,” Deeks asks Kensi in “High Value Target,” “In all seriousness though, how much longer are you gonna do this?… I’m just saying that you’d also be an amazing mom.”

Aside from the dilemma that comes with potential mutant ninja assassins, the other factor that’s dramatically changed over time has been Deeks’ stress level at work. He’s almost seemed borderline PTSD over having to worry about Kensi being killed, or never waking from her coma, or having her leg sawed off, or getting nuked in a missile silo, or… I could go on. As Eric said in our interview, “when it comes to Kensi this is the first real relationship, and probably the first thing he’s ever really loved in his life… the idea of losing that I think is kind of too much to carry.” Deeks (and Eric) may say he’s OK with a Two Moment life with Kensi, but of course he really wants the Hundred Moments with her. I think that’s what drives his fear and his push to get them both out of their dangerous jobs, even more so than his desire for kids.

Psyched: You are absolutely right that Deeks is more concerned with getting them both to the next phase of their lives (whatever it may be) alive after the traumas of the last few years. I’m sure Kensi wants that too, but she’s more willing than Deeks to continue to press their luck because, as she said in “High Value Target,” “Protecting people is all I know. And if I wasn’t doing this I don’t know what I’d be doing.” They both agree that once children come they want to be out of their dangerous jobs (“I wouldn’t do this if we had kids.”), but Kensi seems motivated to stay in longer because she defines herself so much by her career. Perhaps she fears leaving will change who she is?

Karen: OK, I think I better take a moment to say, for the record, that I am not arguing that Kensi should agree to give up her career ever if she doesn’t want to, kids or no kids. I think Deeks should– and would– respect her desire to do that. At this point, they both seem to want kids and to want to leave- or at least agree it would be best to leave- if kids happen. In other words, leaving would be something Kensi agrees makes sense. But I’m also definitely not saying that Kensi would need to be the stay at home parent. (I actually think Deeks would enjoy that role more. Or heck, the grandmas could provide plenty of free daycare.)

I’d just like to see this dilemma discussed, and see their respective desires hashed out in a little detail. And I’d really like to see Kensi listening to Deeks about his desire to get out of their line of work. To truly hear what he’s saying every time he brings it up (e.g., your “Assets” quote above). Instead of telling him how much she loves working with him, how integral it is to their identity as a couple, I’d prefer to see her encouraging him to explore other options, both for his mental health as well as his physical safety. But just as Kensi defines herself more by her job than Deeks does, perhaps she defines them as a couple that way too.

Psyched: I can’t argue with you there Karen! I think their personal and professional lives are so interwoven that Kensi has a hard time imagining what they would be like as a couple without the job being such a huge part of their life.

To address one of the original debate questions, how will Deeks’ declaration in the hospital impact them in the long run? I don’t see it necessarily having a negative impact. Deeks tends to be the first one to reach out to make things better between them (like when he offered to “lighten up and take things more seriously” in “Empty Quiver,” and as evidenced by his “partner survey” response about how they settle disagreements in “Wanted”: “I apologize, even when it’s not my fault.”), so it really didn’t surprise me that he told Kensi he was “wrong” in the hospital. What did surprise me was that Kensi didn’t reciprocate immediately. But hopefully we’ll get that eventually. I would like to see Kensi tell Deeks he was right that the longer they stay in the job, the less likely they both get out alive, especially given his injury in Mexico. And perhaps this could prompt a discussion of a timeline for getting out of NCIS/LAPD.

Karen: Yes to all this! To me, the showrunners have done Kensi a disservice by not showing her trying to meet Deeks halfway, and by not showing her growing or changing as a result of Mexico. I mean, the whole Season 9 finale seemed to be set up to give Kensi just a small taste of the trauma that Deeks had suffered from worrying about her for the past two seasons, so that she’d gain a better understanding of what he’d gone through and where he’s coming from, which is a place of great fear and trauma.

Kensi tried to ask him about his experiences towards the end of Season 8, once she had recovered from the helicopter crash injuries. But she largely let him deflect those questions and never probed too deeply. Even in “The Silo,” where she heard his fear, acknowledged it and even somewhat agreed with it, by the following week she was right back at work like nothing had happened. Maybe that’s why she was supportive of the crazy bar idea, as a way to placate his constant talk of getting out? I’d just like to see her being a little more supportive of his dreams and his real need for a more stable and less scary life. Am I being too hard on her?

Psyched: I thought the same thing, that the whole point of Deeks being seriously injured in Mexico was so Kensi could have a come-to-Jesus moment and their argument would be resolved by Kensi being the one to change her mind. And now that the exact opposite has happened I have to wonder why. My current thought is that the showrunners are reluctant to put a timeframe on Deeks and Kensi getting out of the field because they don’t know how much longer the show will be on the air. Imagine them having Deeks and Kensi agree to leave NCIS and LAPD in two years and then the show continues for another five? How do they then realistically keep them in the field/on the show? Fertility issues? Sudden financial problems? A serious health scare? Not sure how well those would play in this kind of show.

It’s a good thought about why Kensi was so quick to support Deeks’ desire to own/run a bar—I admit I was stunned by her response. But not because I don’t think she’s supportive of Deeks; more because I think the bar is a horrible idea, but that’s a topic for another debate!

Are you being too hard on Kensi? Umm, maybe, LOL! In all fairness, they both went back to work the week after “The Silo” as if nothing had happened. Like pretty much everyone on the team usually does. I think that might be a function of TV vs. reality rather than a character flaw. In fact, we should probably be giving the writers kudos for letting the strain of the job show on Deeks. He’s the one on the team with the most consistently realistic and human response to what they routinely experience, in my opinion. Yet another reason he’s our favorite, probably!

Karen: Excellent observation about the procedural nature of the show, something Eric mentioned in our interview in reference to the lack of post-Mexico follow-up. And I couldn’t agree more about why Deeks is our favorite! Whereas he consistently shows vulnerability and strain, I think one of Kensi’s strengths/weaknesses is her ability to shake off traumatic events. It’s what allows her to keep doing what she does; in fact, it’s probably one of the things that makes her uniquely suited to doing this job. But it’s got to feel frustrating to Deeks, who comes at things from almost the opposite emotional perspective. He has a history of horrible and cumulative trauma, and he has seemed to be struggling more and more over time to deal with the stress of his job. I think it’s hard for Kensi to really understand what he’s going through, to relate to it, because she’s able to handle it so much better.

Psyched: I love this point, and I think it is spot-on. Kensi did let a small crack in her armor show in “The Silo” when she questioned how long they should keep doing such dangerous jobs. I thought Deeks’ response was great—he tossed it right back at Kensi and pointed out that she was the one who wanted to stay in, so when did she think they should get out? But even then, just a few hours after calling Deeks to say goodbye in case she died, Kensi couldn’t say anything more than “I don’t know.” That’s a perfect example of just how deeply-rooted Kensi’s desire to protect people is. In the end, Deeks loves her and has a habit of putting aside his wants and needs (when it comes to getting out of the field, at least) for Kensi’s, and she has a habit of letting him because it buys her more time in the career she loves.

On a totally different track, I also think it’s important to remember that we also only have Eric’s perspective on Deeks’ feelings, and no one’s perspective on Kensi’s (Eric’s or Dani’s). Perhaps he was being deliberate in his response, or perhaps the writers will give us Kensi’s as well. I find it hard to believe that the emotions we saw from her in the desert and what she experienced didn’t cause her to second-think their future.

Given Eric’s #askECO video response, I’m cautiously optimistic that this might still happen. “Here’s the way I play it; is that they should be [discussed again]. They have to be. So the conversations they will have. So look for that this season. And then look for that conversation and I think we’ll have the little contrasting POV on how he feels about those answers.” He says they will have the conversations (or at least he’s portraying Deeks as if they will, since TPTB don’t seem to have written it yet). And we’re supposed to look for that conversation, apparently. Though I admit to being thoroughly confused about what the “contrasting POV on how he feels about those answers” is supposed to mean.

Karen: You’re so right, we really don’t know for sure what Kensi’s position is. It feels to me like maybe these two have not yet discussed it further (which frustrates me but at least makes me feel like we aren’t being left out of important conversations). But we don’t know for sure. And even if they haven’t, Kensi’s mindset might still have changed since Mexico. I really hope Eric’s mysterious “contrasting POV” has something to do with Kensi’s changing feelings on their issues. But regardless, if the writers don’t tell us what Kensi’s POV view is, we have to infer it from the words and actions we see on screen.

Psyched: You know, watching the beach scene in “Pro Se” I thought that once again Kensi was seeing how much the job is wearing Deeks down and I wondered if coupled with what happened in Mexico, this would finally prompt more discussion between them about leaving. Obviously, it didn’t. I do think TPTB are doing Densi and their fans a disservice by not exploring the issue further. It’s not as if they don’t have the time. Do we really need more wedding planning discussions? Even the rest of the team is tired of hearing about it (thanks for that, PTB). It wouldn’t be difficult to replace those few minutes with some discussion a la “The Seventh Child” and “Assets,” where two adults talked about their future in a respectful manner.

Karen: From your lips to R. Scott Gemmill’s ears! The wedding planning has become laughable, unless it’s all a Densi plot to surprise their friends with an impromptu wedding. Here’s to more adult conversations!

 

OK, now it’s your turn to weigh in. Is Deeks in fact “caving”? Have we missed some key conversations or have these two just not got around to them yet? Has Kensi gained some perspective from Mexico? Do the showrunners owe us – and Kensi – a more thorough exploration of her point of view? And other than the way it keeps Eric on the show indefinitely, are you good with his plan to stay working with her, or do you worry it could get him killed? Tell us in the Comments below?

About Psyched (7 Articles)
Turns out I've been writing fan fiction since before it was a "thing" on the internet (okay, even before there was an internet). I spent many a boring junior high history class coming up with more exciting stories for my favorite soap opera characters. I continue to enjoy the creative outlet it provides in my still-boring but now adult life.

12 Comments on Debating Deeks: The State of Post-Mexico Densi

  1. Thank you very much for the great discussion dear ladies. I am so happy to see that wikiDeeks is steaming with full speed ahead with new articles almost everyday.
    I am with Psyched with this one. I don’t see such development to be as Deeks caved in and gave in to only Kensi’s desires. I think that there is still talk between them to come about how they see their future together. They are at the same page regarding kids as they both would like to have it/them, and once kids will come Kensi will not continue to work as the filed agent. Saying that I agree with Karen that it does not mean she has to be stay at home mom, just saying that she would surely find less dangerous job. Yes, I expected that Kensi would be more ready to change her approach to what Deeks said in that garage, after seeing very close and personal what could be the outcome if they stay in their jobs, but surprisingly it was Deeks who confessed that he was wrong and that he wanted to be with her and marry her. I think what happened to Deeks is that he was really close to death this time and he figured out that Kensi is the most important thing in his life and whatever time he has in this world he really wants to spend it with her. Honestly seeing how much she loves him, what she was ready to do for him just to stay alive, to go over and beyond all her physical limitations by dragging him through the desert to help him was mind blowing for me. I saw only pure and raw love for him and I was sure by the end of this episode, that whatever they decide about having kids or leaving the job at any time in their future, it would be totally insignificant for Deeks as he only wants Kensi and Kensi wants him. If you ask me, having somebody in your life to love you like they love each other is win/win situation.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I really enjoyed the debate with you and Karen and you’ve both made excellent points and many reminders of the conversation between the partners/lovers. I’m not sure how old Kensi is in this time frame, but she must be somewhere in her thirties. If they are thinking about maybe fifteen years before they have children, she is really pushing it, but of course we’ll see what the writers have in store for them. Again wonderful debate you two.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Excellent debate, wikiLadies. You hit all sides of this question. Well done. I for one, always tend to see things from Deeks’ perspective, but on this question I have no trouble seeing Kensi’s side as well. But what isn’t in dispute, is the love they have for one another. Hers was plain to see in the season opener, and his is there in every scene they share. I am hoping TPTB give us that serious conversation we all need to see at some point. As for a decision as to them having children, I think that is something TPTB will string out until the very end. But a wedding…that I’m sure we will finally get, because these two belong together.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. This debate was amazing and I must admit both perspectives seemed right. I still think the viewers deserved to see some Densi serious talk onscreen after Season 9 finale and Season 10 opener, so I am a bit disappointed everything went back to normal so soon, both Deeks and Kensi in the field as if (almost) nothing had happened, no continuity after Deeks’ “one last mission and we’re out”, no clue to where exactly they are standing about their future, their career and kids. Only talking about wedding cake and bachelor/bachelorette parties.
    This is a little frustrating, even if I understand when you say the writers may want to wait before putting a definite timeframe on a Densi family in case the shows goes on for more than a couple of seasons (and I hope it does from the bottom of my heart).
    Let’s wait and see. I do look forward to some serious Densi scenes, possibly before their wedding, hoping that moment will be given the time and importance it deserves after the roller coaster of emotions the couple went through lately.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Great discussion from both of you. I think from my perspective there are definitely two sides to the discussion about when to quit, have a family, etc. I think everything both of you said explains the dilemma which was the issue post Silo. The problem I have is beyond that discussion. I believe Deeks accepted the way Kensi treated him in the finale way too easily. For me ,it goes beyond the future plans. Silo was about a mission that Kensi as part of her job was given, it is more than reasonable to discuss and even disagree on how many more of those she would have. The finale was about Kensi volunteering for a task, that was not mission sanctioned and if anything was against military order and doing it for a woman who was untrustworthy and had treated the man Kensi loves both disrespectfully and unfairly. So for me Kensi chose an unsanctioned mission over supporting Deeks which ended in Deeks almost dying. I am still having trouble with how Kensi treated Deeks in the finale and I guess I think Deeks should have some reservations about how Kensi makes choices that impact both of their lives , and that is the discussion I think they need to have before they get married.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I am completely #TeamKaren on this one, and a little bit #TeamSassyzazzi. The way Kensi treated Deeks in the season 9 finale was very self-centered of her. I would actually prefer to see them break up for a while, and maybe eventually get back together, but only on a more even basis. If Deeks is going to make Kensi his priority in life, then she should be willing to do the same for him.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Great debate! In my mind Kensi and Deeks would have had some sort of conversation before going back to work that we didn’t get to see. I think the writers may have written themselves into a bit of a corner with this one, opening the door to Deeks wanting to get out, because obviously Kensi can’t agree to it or they would just be out. I hope we get to see more from Kensi’s perspective. It definitely seemed like she got a taste of the fear and trauma of possibly losing the person she loves most in the world. I think they tried to show more of a worry, or awareness, for his safety with her comment in The Prince about being careful. I’d definitely like to learn more about her ideas for their future now that she promised to give him everything she has in this life. I agree that it’s hard for them to have these conversations though because while in real life they could say we’ll get out in 2 years and be out, in TV life the show might run longer than that (as you mentioned). So much to unravel here. I’m interested to see where the writers take it.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I feel like Deeks does most of the compromising in the relationship. Which isn’t that suprising considering he’s the one that chased after Kensi, and then waited until she was ready for a relationship, in the first place. I agree with a lot of Karen’s points. I’d love to know if Mexico had a lasting effect on Kensi. She was finally on the other side of losing the person she loves most in the world. I wonder if Deeks wanting a career change doesn’t have something to do with Whiting and whatever she’s had Deeks doing for her now that she holds his freedom in her hands. And if Kensi has thought about that. I’m not crazy about the bar idea, or anything that takes Deeks away from his job at NCIS. I see Deeks wanting to leave his job as the TPTB leaving Eric a way to leave the show if Eric decides to focus on Cloud 9. I hope things won’t come to that though.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. amusement345 // November 8, 2018 at 7:52 AM // Reply

    Great debate—which means I can see both sides of the issue, so thanks for the illumination. Some of my own thoughts:

    I see the scene in the garage as representing the height of the tension in what has been an ongoing discussion between the two, about both the danger they face every day, and the future of their yet-to-be-formed family. Going off on an unsanctioned mission raised the risk level considerably, which turned the conversation critical. They’ll need to resume it, at some point.

    I took ECO’s remarks to indicate his response, as an actor, to how they’re being written this season. He may or may not agree with the direction taken, but he’s been able to come up with a point of view for Deeks that allows him to play out the scenes with conviction. So, he’s decided that Deeks’ first priority is Kensi, and everything else is secondary. That leaves me to wonder what Daniela has come up with as a mindset for Kensi, who has now experienced the immediate fear of losing the man she loves. Odd they haven’t played any of it out yet on screen.

    I do wonder if the reason they can’t choose a date is that, on some level, they know they shouldn’t move forward without having come to some resolution of how they’d like their future to look. And I wonder if Kensi can’t bring herself to leave NCIS, not so much because of her addiction to the action and dedication to the mission, but because she is afraid of failing as a parent. I see her as holding on to a position where she feels talented and confident, afraid of not meeting anyone’s expectations—her own, Deeks’, their kids—as a wife and mother.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. If only the show cared as much as the fans do. After the finale, I am not as invested in Deeks and Kensi. Deeks yes, Kensi no. As long as they don’t kill him off, I’m fine. If he wants to quit and be a lawyer, cop, bar owner, or stay at home father, with or without Kensi, I’m good to go. I have never been shy about how I feel Kensi never apologizes for her words or actions, while everyone else (even Hetty and Mosely get called out by others). It pees me off to the point I like the character less.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Can I also join #TeamDiane? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Thanks to everyone for all of your well-thought-out comments! It was great to hear additional perspectives and ideas that hadn’t occurred to me. My only regret is that we, collectively and likely as individuals, have probably put more thought into this particular topic than TPTB seem to have!

    Liked by 1 person

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