Fatherhood and Snakes: Deeks’ Surf Log 02/28/2021

2/28/21

Our morning together was intimate. Just me and my incredible wife and the hope that the hormone therapy she was enduring would give us a chance to have a child. There has been nothing in my life that comes close to how deeply moving and scary this morning was. Kensi is the strongest woman I have ever known, and I love her. She is my life, so to say it was difficult to do what needed to be done with that enormous needle would be an understatement. I just pray to all the gods in the universe that this works, because if it doesn’t, the pain of defeat and loss will be hard to overcome, and I don’t think I could bear to watch Kensi go through that.

This may be self congratulatory, but I did not faint, and for some reason I am rather proud of that. I did feel “fainty”, but remained strong and did my part thanks to my incredibly brave wife. Not bad for the “oldest” graduate of FLETC. Could that be right? Because that does not sound right. But just to clarify, Kensi did say I was the sexiest graduate, which I will take on any day, especially on one as crazy as this one turned out to be.

What can I say…why are there always so many Russians running around being chased by the CIA? Isn’t Callen enough? I do kinda like Arkady, sort of…and Anna, because Callen wants to marry her and I want to be supportive. Just keep Kirkin and his weird clothes away from me and I’ll be fine. At least Sam didn’t seem disturbed by it all, just worried about his daughter, Kam. He’s been with Callen so long, he’s used to all that Russian drama. He didn’t even want to talk about the case, just started talking about his daughter, which was new for me. That man has so many rules, I don’t know how his kids remembered them all. My childhood basically had no rules, except for the one where you try to survive each and every day without a bruise or two. So, being the good partner-for-the-day that I am, I told him about my friend Darryl Donkins and his love for snakes. A love his parents never accepted. Giving parenting advice to Sam felt distinctly odd, but I remember what it was like to have a dad that wouldn’t listen to your dreams, or care for that matter, and so did Darryl. His parents lost him because of it. Rules shouldn’t overshadow what a kid really needs, which is love. The only rule I want for my kid is that he or she knows they are loved, no matter what.

This whole Russian thing is a bit confusing and is not even close to being over. My old buddy Darryl probably wouldn’t appreciate the comparison, but these Russians are like snakes in the grass, and we don’t even know the half of it yet. Maybe Hetty can shed some light on what the hell is going on. That is if she ever does come out of the shadows to clue us in…or send us another cryptic message with the aid of that secret agent, Emily Dickinson.

My one encouraging takeaway from today, other than my admiration and love for my amazing wife, who showed up to have my back in the firefight, was an actual compliment from Sam. At one time in our relationship, he didn’t even want me to babysit his kids, and today he told me that one day I’m going to be a great father. His word. Great. And that’s awesome. I’ll take it, brother. I’ll take it.