Poor Deeks! Kensi’s Journal 4/12/2020

4/12/20

I hate it when Deeks is angry with me; especially when he has reason to be.  I’m his wife, his partner, and his best friend.  I’ve vowed to love and cherish him and it’s my job to keep him safe.  Yet I broke his big toe!  First I’m not supportive of Deeks (initially, at least) when he’s having a crisis of guilt, and then I leave heavy boxes in the way for him to trip over.  What the hell is wrong with me lately?  

Maybe I need to stop keeping an eye on the calendar to make sure we have sex when I’m ovulating.  Maybe we need to just enjoy it again.  They say sometimes when you relax and stop trying so hard to get pregnant, it just happens.  That’s probably an old wives’ tale or something they tell women who are trying to conceive so they’ll feel better.  But it might be good advice if the alternative is subconscious, passive-aggressive behavior on my part.  Poor Deeks, having to put up with me like this, and I can’t even blame it on hormones!

I have to wonder what I’ll be like as a sleep-deprived, sore-nippled, weak-bladdered, girdle-fighting (why did Mandy never mention a girdle?) new mother. Audrey Rush, at face-value,doesn’t seem to be enjoying motherhood all that much.  She’s clearly exhausted.  And totally lacking in discretion, apparently.Yet I’m completely envious of her.  Even with all the fatigue, discomfort, and over-sharing, it’s the best thing she’s ever done.  Yup, totally and completely envious.  Okay, maybe we’ll try once more before taking a break from conception sex, or “consexion” as Deeks calls it.

The one silver lining of Deeks’ broken toe is that he gets to spend more time with Eric for a little while.  Deeks knows first-hand how hard it is to suddenly be without his girlfriend, partner, and best friend.  He told me how supportive the team was of him when I was in a coma, so I’m glad he gets to pay it back a little bit to Beale.  It was heart–warming to see their bro-hug.  I was hopeful it would soften Deeks’ feelings toward me, and it certainly seemed to.  I totally got him to forgive me before we left the mission.  And then I had to go and try to break his toe again!  Sigh.  Definitely time to bring back fun sex (and tidiness in the house, I admit) in lieu of the baby-making variety for a while….