“You know that eating is kinda essential to living,” the small nurse quipped, lifting the mostly full dinner tray up with one hand, gripping the bar at the side of the bed with her other.
Shaking her head, Kensi smoothed a palm over the bedsheet covering her thigh, a heaviness of guilt and grief filling her stomach too much for an ounce of food to fit. “Just not hungry tonight.”
“Maybe I’ll take it to the sweetheart sitting on the bench out there then, doesn’t look like he’s eaten tonight.”
“Pretty blonde one?” The nurse chuckled, tapping her index finger on the bar before stepping away towards the doorway. “Calls himself your fiancé, been sitting down the hall for over an hour now.”
Squeezing her eyes shut for a half second, a reflexive movement to the news that didn’t truly surprise her, sometimes she hated just how predictable his devotion could be, times such as this, when it created yet another surging whirlpool within; Kensi shook her head lightly, not meeting the woman’s gaze. “Could you send him in, please.”
Watching the woman exit the small room with a brief nod and the tray balanced in her palms, she shifted back against the pillows, an ache in her chest where her heart should be because God, she couldn’t handle his endless promises that everything would work itself out soon, that she’d be back home, back behind her desk, back in the field, back where she could place one foot ahead of the other, couldn’t handle the constant attempts to fix her before she truly got the chance to break, snap and cry against his shoulder because despite everything he was the only one she wanted on that musty couch.
And she couldn’t deny missing him in the hours he was away.
“I hear you’re not eating,” his voice gravitated from the doorway where he anxiously leaned in, a little unsure about his placement in the room.
“I’m saving room for my fire meat.”
“I gave it to a homeless man and his dog around the corner, but I’ll get you a doughnut in the morning.”
“Deal,” she murmured, rolling her shoulders and drawing her sight from his in a sudden and useless attempt to hide the emotion boiling behind her eyes and in the tremors of her voice, useless when it took seconds for him to be perched on the bed, a hand squeezing her upper arm and concern overtaking his features.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t-“
“I’m sorry,” her hand stretched out, fingers wrapping and tightening around his in beat with her thumping heart, threatening to explode within her chest, to overtake everything. “I love you, I just can’t-“
She didn’t get the chance to finish her words when his shoulder muffled them, arms solidly wrapping around her for her head to bury in the crook of his neck, tears marking his skin and the fabric of his black v-neck, but nothing mattered when he was finally holding her, she could finally safely, securely shatter, because there was no where she felt whole enough to break than his arms, with that love and faith in her ultimate strength cushioning her.
Maybe she could put the pieces of her soul back together after the trembling guards holding them up finally collapsed.
Maybe he’d be there to help her.