Difficult Line to Cross: Kensi’s Journal 3/29/2020

3/29/20

Deeks and I have spent so long discussing and trying to figure out when to leave NCIS because it’s been such a difficult line for me to cross.  So how did I not see that Nell seems to have stepped completely over that line?  What kind of friend am I?  I know she’s been troubled because of her mom’s health and her concerns about her relationship with Eric, but I had no idea Nell’s been struggling with work as well.  Shouldn’t I have known something was wrong—I see her every day!  And I can’t imagine that not being the case anymore, which another reason I think her announcement shocked me so much.  So much that I wasn’t as supportive as I could have been.  I was planning to apologize and offer actual support (you know, along the lines of “You need to do what’s best for you, Nell, and we’ll always be friends”) at the bar later but she never showed or answered her cell. ☹

Speaking of apologies, I owed and delivered one to Deeks tonight (his favorite kind, in the bedroom!) for my lack of support of him too.  (Not a good trend, Kens.)  Of course he didn’t think he deserved it.  He understood that I was still a little unnerved by the fear that he’d been in the car that had blown up when I first arrived at the scene, and that we were in public and I couldn’t exactly kiss him and make it all better right then and there.  We did enjoy kissing and “making it better” later on, though!  Deeks had no idea about Nell’s revelation (which I’m sure added to my stress level), and I hope he won’t be annoyed at me for keeping that from him, but she did ask for it to stay between us.  Guess I’ll just have to make that up to him too 😉.

I reached out to Fatima today in an effort to make up for my lack of awareness with Nell.  I like her a lot and am glad she fits in well with the team.  I wonder if she’s going to replace Nell in ops (not that anyone really could) until a permanent person is found—she’s pretty adept up there.  Still not sure about Agent Roundtree, though.  He seems nice enough, and has found a friend for life in Deeks if he keeps up all the great word-play.  And I know he’s still relatively new, but he’s still an FBI agent who graduated from FLETC and should have known better than to sit in that car if for no other reason than it was evidence.  Deeks didn’t want to hear that Devin’s mistake almost cost both of them their lives; he’d much rather take that responsibility on himself.  But I tried my best to set him straight once I heard the whole story.  Hopefully he won’t pull back from working with Roundtree again; Deeks has a lot to share with less experienced field agents.  Devin (and Fatima) should benefit from it as much as possible before we follow in Nell’s footsteps.