When the Darkness Wins: Drabble 3/9/23
“This case certainly didn’t turn out how I expected,” Kensi said, plopping down onto the couch next to Deeks. He acknowledged her closeness with a flick of his eyes, but didn’t respond otherwise, deep in thought. “I was so ready to blame Adebayo for Wassner’s death and then it turned into a murder investigation. Either way, the outcome was tragic.”
Sighing heavily, she ran both hands through her hair, then pulled up a smile from somewhere.
“So, that handwriting analysis you pulled with the letters was pretty impressive. I bet you’ve been dying to tell me about it all day.”
“We compared the two letters, noticed there were discrepancies between the way some letters were written. That’s pretty much it,” he summed up woodenly.
Tucking her leg under herself, Kensi twisted to face him, and nudged his shoulder. “You know, I could use some of that patented Marty Deeks humor right about now,” she prompted, poking his shoulder.
Deeks exhaled noisily, which did nothing to dispel his heavy thoughts. “I honestly don’t think I have that in me tonight,” he admitted.
“Babe.” He heard Kensi’s concern in the single word, followed by her hand covering his forearm. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“I used to find some kind of satisfaction, or relief, in concluding cases like this. At least we were seeing justice served, but, uh, I don’t feel that anymore. I just feel dread and this darkness I can’t shake. I feel… hopeless,” he said.
Tonight, Rountree’s unexpected joke had provided a momentary distraction, but any humor was long gone by now.
“Deeks,” Kensi said, dismay in her voice. “How long has this been going on for?”
“A while. I don’t really know for sure.” He shook his head once. It was something that had crept up on him slowly. “At some point, it started getting more difficult to convince myself that there was a purpose. And I try, you know, I really try to be the guy that makes everyone laugh and forget, but it’s getting harder and harder to do.”
“You don’t need to be that guy for us, Deeks. I just need you to be OK.”
He dragged his hands through his hair and made a rough sound of exhaustion, slumping in the cushions.
“I will be. I just need some time to get through this slump,” he assured her.
“What can I do?” Kensi asked, desperation tinging her voice.
“Remind me why we do this. Give me hope.” He met Kensi’s eyes for the first time that night. “Cause I’m not sure how much longer I can keep doing it otherwise.” His voice broke on the last word, and Kensi reached for him, gathering him in her arms.
A/N: I thought Deeks looked particularly morose and didn’t lighten the mood with any of his usual humor. Which reminded me of his comment to Kensi earlier in the season about needing to joke in order to keep doing his job.
Kensi and Deeks from the “Game of Drones” script:
Kensi: Why does life have to hurt so much sometimes?
Deeks: Well, maybe ’cause it’s so special that we experience the most pain when it’s gone.
Although I do hear that kidney stones are right up there.
Kensi: ( clears throat ) Really?
Deeks: What, you’re gonna tell me that childbirth is more painful than kidney stones?
Kensi: You’re an idiot.
Deeks: I’m joking.
Deeks: Because if I don’t joke, this job is too sad for me to keep doing it.
Kensi: I know. I still think you’re an idiot, though.
Even though you’re a lovable idiot.
Deeks: I’ll take it.
It was the first time I thought that the series might be trying to wrap things up and move on to other things!
Going to miss your Drabble, Reviews and Fanfic contributions.
Thanks for your input @ Wikideeks.
Thanks Sarge! And just to clarify, Em wrote this incredible drabble. I’m just the dummy who posted it without updating the author name. 😉
I wondered the same thing. It’ll be interesting to see how they finish the show regarding Deeks. He’s always seemed to be more sensitive to the hard part of their jobs than the rest of the group.
I think we’re all hopefully the writers do Deeks justice in the finale. The job certainly affects Deeks very deeply and I think has taken its toll over the years. Thanks for reading and contributing your thoughts!
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So good, my heart hurts.
Em, wow, this is sooo dark and sooo good. Poor Deeks. I’d love to have seen them play out this angle, but of course they couldn’t unless they knew ECO wanted to leave or the show was being canceled. And by then it was too late. I think it’s got to be a very realistic reaction for some whose work holds such darkness. Really well done.
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Thanks Karen! Yes, more time to plan things right would have be nice for so many reasons.
I’ve long thought both Brandel and Siderov have lurked in the shadows of Deeks’s psyche. That evil, and the things Deeks cannot unsee are inevitably beginning to wear upon him. Sensitively done, Em.