February 23, 2015
Finding a true friend doesn’t happen every day and I’m so sorry that Deeks lost Thapa. They may not have been the type of friends that hang out together but what they shared was sincere and I know that’s something Deeks has rarely had in his life. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if we had lost Sam as well. Thapa saved Sam’s life and that is something none of us will ever forget.
I’m sitting here at home alone… hoping my phone will ring. I need to sleep but I can’t. I miss him… I miss him a lot. Yes we need our own space and I’m all for taking a break every once in awhile but I can’t help but think that tonight was not the night to be apart. I know he needs to grieve but maybe he needs a shoulder to lean on as well.
We’ve spent almost every day and night together since before Christmas and I probably should have waited to introduce him to my crazy girlfriends but truthfully, I really wanted to show him off to them! They’re important to me and I wanted their approval, but I didn’t realize just how much I wanted his approval of them also. Yes, we’re sometimes silly and over-dramatic and eat lots of cupcakes but we all need a group of friends that we can do those things with. It is a ‘different kind of happy’ but it came out all wrong when I said that this morning. One is not exclusive of the other but I’ll admit that they did sort of gang up on him like a group of high school girls would do when a new guy enrolls.
My phone is still silent. I know we said we needed time apart but do phone calls count? Do texts? It’s entirely too quiet without him here and my bed is way too empty. Maybe I need to tell him that… Maybe I need to leave him alone…
I’m calling him.