Kensi’s Journal – 02/23/15
February 23, 2015
Finding a true friend doesn’t happen every day and I’m so sorry that Deeks lost Thapa. They may not have been the type of friends that hang out together but what they shared was sincere and I know that’s something Deeks has rarely had in his life. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if we had lost Sam as well. Thapa saved Sam’s life and that is something none of us will ever forget.
I’m sitting here at home alone… hoping my phone will ring. I need to sleep but I can’t. I miss him… I miss him a lot. Yes we need our own space and I’m all for taking a break every once in awhile but I can’t help but think that tonight was not the night to be apart. I know he needs to grieve but maybe he needs a shoulder to lean on as well.
We’ve spent almost every day and night together since before Christmas and I probably should have waited to introduce him to my crazy girlfriends but truthfully, I really wanted to show him off to them! They’re important to me and I wanted their approval, but I didn’t realize just how much I wanted his approval of them also. Yes, we’re sometimes silly and over-dramatic and eat lots of cupcakes but we all need a group of friends that we can do those things with. It is a ‘different kind of happy’ but it came out all wrong when I said that this morning. One is not exclusive of the other but I’ll admit that they did sort of gang up on him like a group of high school girls would do when a new guy enrolls.
My phone is still silent. I know we said we needed time apart but do phone calls count? Do texts? It’s entirely too quiet without him here and my bed is way too empty. Maybe I need to tell him that… Maybe I need to leave him alone…
I’m calling him.
wikiDeeks | Marty Deeks | NCISLA 
Brava Karen! Really enjoy hearing Kensi struggle not only with herself, but for Deeks as well. Too often I hear comments about Kensi being to “selfish” and this journal illustrates the exact opposite (since we usually don’t see Kensi being very outwardly expressive on the show). It’s nice to hear her putting his needs/her knowing what he needs ahead of her desire for space. Flip the names and this is something we’d normally and easily expect from Deeks toward her. This entry really matched this episode that elevated not only our ‘ship but the entirety of the show.
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Thanks Gayle! I think she is selfish at times but is learning more and more everyday to be selfless when it comes to being a couple. I also think he is learning the same thing. His past hints about lots of girlfriends sounds like a typical single guy who trolls the bars and has one night stands on a regular basis. It takes a major attitude adjustment (should I dare say… such as falling in love with someone) to change that selfish pattern. Her past seems to be a lack of trust of men which over time has possibly turned into a ‘what’s in it for me’ attitude that is also very selfish. Sometimes old habits are hard to break but that’s the beauty of watching them work through it. Thanks Dave Kalstein for finally letting us see some of that!
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I can only imagine how difficult it is for both of them to adjust to being in a relationship of this level. Their histories have shown them that everyone leaves you or that you’re not good enough for anyone and having a lifetime or even half a lifetime of those feelings would be very difficult to overcome no matter how much you love and trust the other person. I think the only reason things have seemed pretty easy going for them so far is because of the 4.5 years of a strong partnership and friendship that came first. But they still both need to adjust to the romantic aspect of it. Being on your own for 15ish years probably does make one selfish in certain aspects. Probably not maliciously but it would be hard to suddenly have someone there all the time, both physically and emotionally, when you’re used to being alone.
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Great entry!
I agree with Gayle and this lines up with how I interpreted the whole end scene. I don’t see Kensi as selfish at all (in general, not just this scene/ep). Just because she protects her heart doesn’t mean she’s selfish! I think she assumed Deeks wanted some space, so she gave it to him but I definitely believe she probably spent their entire time apart worried about him and wanting to check on him.
Call him, Kensi!
(and I feel like you’re in my brain – I actually wrote a one-shot along these same lines! Great minds!)
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Thanks Kara! What’s the name of your fic? I’d love to read it!
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It’s called ‘Home’. If you click on my name, I think it should take you to my profile on ff.net.
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Me ha gustado mucho lo que has escrito.Yo creo que es bueno que pasen algún tiempo (poco) separados,eso hará que se echen de menos y se den cuenta de lo importante que son el uno para el otro.Tiempo al tiempo,tienen que ir despacio para que lo suyo tenga una buena base y así sea duradero,me gusta como lo están haciendo los guionistas por ahora,me encantó este capítulo,me encanta la paciencia y el amor que muestra deeks por kensy y a ella le cuesta más decir lo que siente pero lo hará,me parecen una pareja entrañable.
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Gracias María . Ellos son realmente y pareja interesante para escribir sobre!
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This feels so real. I love it 😀. Kensi, Call Deeks!
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Nice to see a more caring, concerned and selfless Kensi…
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