Whatever It Takes: Kensi’s Journal 5/8/22

I remember the conversation like it was yesterday.  Deeks and I were at the back screen in ops having our first serious talk about children and he sounded stunned when he said, “When we woke up this morning we were not here.  And all of a sudden we are very much here.”  That’s how I feel right now.  When we woke up this morning, adopting a child was a goal, but still only a possibility.  And now all of a sudden we seem to be on the verge of adopting not one, but two teenaged girls.  Girls we already know and who are already in our hearts, not a couple of random kids we hope we can connect with.

I’m thrilled and terrified at the same time.  Deeks is asking the right questions of us; we need to make sure we know what we’re getting Rosa, Pilar (assuming she agrees too), and ourselves into.  But I just know, I know, that this is why we weren’t able to conceive.  If I’d gotten pregnant when we tried to, I wouldn’t have been in Mexico and never would have met Rosa, or Pilar by extension.  It hurts my heart and makes me sick to my stomach to think about what might happen to them if they’re sent back to Guatemala.  Deeks and I will do whatever it takes to prove Rosa is an orphan, even if we have to sneak into ops in the middle of the night and use government resources to do so. 

When Deeks and I started our journey to have a family, I certainly did not picture us adopting two young women seeking asylum from threats in their homeland.  But now I can’t picture it happening any other way or with anyone else.