Detective Inspector Dad Deeks, Esquire: NCISLA Epilogue Fan Fic

“Is Rosa okay?” Deeks’ voice held concern as his wife rejoined him in the kitchen.

Kensi reassured him. “Two kids from that sleepover last weekend have COVID, and Rosa is sniffling, so we’re playing it safe. She’s upright and doing her homework, so no worries.”

“Hmph. I thought we were past this.”

“New variant.”

“Isn’t it always? Life is nothing if not change.”

His words purposely meant to bring them back to a conversation they’d been having in the car, and Kensi followed his lead.

“So, you’re sure about this?”

“I’m sure,” he responded. “I think.”

“Deeks…”

“Kens, something has to change. I think maybe this is it. I think it’s the right thing.” Pausing a beat. “Maybe.”

“Arghhh!” Kensi was frustrated, partly by the content of her husband’s ‘decision’ and the fact that it was still so undecided. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t handle this kind of thing very well.”

Deeks pulled his wife down to sit beside him at the table. “I have noticed. And I’m sorry. I know you don’t exactly thrive in the gray spaces. But I want to be sure before I do anything about it. Nate says…”

Dark brows facing him flew up. “Nate! You talked to Nate about this?!”

Before or after you talked to me?

Deeks heard what she hadn’t asked. “He was here for that case, remember? I just took advantage of an opportunity. Apart from you, he’s been deeper inside my brain than anyone else has, so I thought…”

“But….you were thinking about it back then? That long ago?”

Deeks got up and started to pace. “Babe, I’ve been thinking about it since the day it happened. Since before that. Are you saying you’re surprised?”

In retrospect, she shouldn’t have been, but it had caught her off guard. 

Too much else on my mind, I guess.

Still trying to find the right balance between work and parenting and wife-ing. Rosa may not have required all of the supervision Kensi and Deeks were prepared to provide her, but she was, after all, their responsibility, and Kensi had taken that responsibility to heart. And, having found it challenging to parent a teenager, she’d often marveled that a woman could actually take on the care and tending of an infant and still work a full time job. Then she would remember that she didn’t know any women who had actually accomplished that, certainly not in her line of work. Even Sam’s deceased wife Michelle had taken time away from the job to raise her children.

And partly for the same reason that she is now deceased. 

Kensi’s musings on this topic were usually followed by an internal rant about why it was always the woman who took time away, but then she would realize that she was married to the exception to that particular rule. She was one hundred percent certain that, had they been gifted with an infant child, her husband would have lunged at the chance to be a stay-at-home dad. Which always made her smile, both at the fact that she’d married so well, and by the vision of Deeks delightedly playing with their would-be baby.

Which thought brought her back to the present. Not that Deeks was planning to stay at home, also there was no baby, and Rosa didn’t need it. But he was contemplating a major change.

“Have you already asked them? Have they asked you? I mean, what if they don’t want you?”

He feigned astonishment. 

“Moi? Who wouldn’t want to see this pretty face every day? You can’t keep me all to yourself forever, darlin’.” Stroking said face and feeling the stubble. “Okay, maybe it’s not so pretty anymore. Maybe it’s more… distinguished?”

She brushed the distinguished face with a kiss as she stood and started gathering the makings of a salad.

“You will always be pretty in my eyes, my love. But my question still stands. I mean, it’s not like you left a lot of friends behind. Whiting is the only one who still talks to you, and then, only when she wants something.”

Deeks conceded with a nod. “True. And I’ll grant you that having the evil queen of IA as my only current connection is probably strikes two and three against me.”

Kensi caught him mid-pace and demanded his attention. 

“Then why?”

Deeks closed his eyes and heaved a great sigh before answering her. 

“Because I want to help people, Kens.”

She hadn’t been ready for that, had to digest it for a moment. Ended up regurgitating it.

“You want to help people? That’s why?”

“That’s why.”

Kensi was flabbergasted. “Don’t we… I mean… all this time… are you saying you don’t think we help people?”

Immediately he wanted to kick himself. Way to go, Romeo. Tell your lady her life’s purpose doesn’t really exist. He hurried to explain himself.

“No, no! That’s not what I mean. Of course we help people. Maybe most of them never know about it, but we help them, every time we prevent some wacko from being able to blow up the world for some dubious cause, or every time we thwart some plot to smuggle explosives, or even humans. I just like doing it one-on-one, and before they need help. Besides, there will still be joint cases, and since no one else at LAPD likes working with the feds, I can still be a liaison… just playing for the other team again.”

“We helped Rosa.” Kensi perseverated, having trouble letting go of the idea. “Right? Even if it was really her helping us, we helped her.”

Deeks stifled his reply to spend a moment processing the direction of this conversation. It was true he’d put his foot in it by using the wrong words. But Kensi’s reaction seemed disproportionate, and he felt like he needed to understand why. 

She’s more rattled at this idea than I thought she would be. 

“Kens, if you don’t want me to do it, I won’t. But… can you tell me why?”

“What do you mean, ‘why’? It’s a pretty big deal, isn’t it, that we wouldn’t be working together after all these years?” Pausing for a long minute before adding a plaintive “Babe, don’t you want to work with me?”

That plucked her husband’s heartstrings, and he was immediately apologetic. Deeks moved to Kensi and circled his arms around her waist. 

“I love working with you. You’re my Kensalina, remember? But the truth is, we barely do it anymore. We’re more likely to be partnered up with someone else on the team than we are with each other, and…”

Kensi interrupted him. “I know, I’ve noticed. I’ve wondered if that was on purpose.”

“You mean, to keep us from both being in danger.” 

She was more specific. “To keep us from both being in the same danger, at the same time. It’s happened even more since we’ve had Rosa, hasn’t it?”

He let go of her and leaned back against the kitchen counter. 

“Well, maybe they have the right idea. You know I’ve always been worried about this. How could you not know, we had the biggest fight of our relationship over it.”

Kensi mirrored him, across the narrow kitchen. “So that’s the real reason?”

“What’s the real reason?”  

“You’re still worried about our being in danger.”

Deeks tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling, seeking wisdom. He heaved a deep sigh before bringing his eyes to hers once again.

“Babe. I will always be worried about the danger, because it exists. But you’ll notice that I’m not making this a ‘we’ thing anymore. I’m not asking you to step away. It may have taken me a long time to get it through my hard head, but I understand that this work brings you fulfillment, and I won’t ask you to give that up. This is about me, and where I think I have the most to offer.”

“But…”

His raised palm stopped her. “Can I tell you something?”

She was surprised he felt a need to ask. Since you never have before.

“Okay.”

“Okay. You remember how I came to the team, right? Hetty sought me out after that case at the gym…”

“The case where we met.”

“Exactly. You also know my history with LAPD. It wasn’t exactly smooth, and… well… you know what happened…”

She did. And the fact that he still had trouble putting it into words, all these years later, and long after he’d confessed it to her, was one of the very many reasons she loved him. Deeks had killed his crooked partner to protect a potential victim, a young prostitute named…

“Tiffany.” Kensi finished her husband’s thought aloud. 

He gave a silent nod, which prompted Kensi to continue.

“So, you’re saying that you took the job with NCIS in the first place because you felt like you couldn’t stay with LAPD?”

He shook his head. “No!” Pause. “Well, maybe. But that wasn’t the only reason. And I didn’t actually leave LAPD, remember?”

He’d been hired as a liaison between the two agencies, who so often had overlapping cases. But even before his liaison position had been cut for budgetary reasons, he’d suspected that neither agency had been very enthused about it. Enthusiasm had been largely confined to one paradoxically elfin and enormous presence, in the person of Hetty Lange. And, with Hetty operating largely at the margins, there had been little impetus for maintaining the position. 

Kensi responded to the question he’d asked. “Yes, I remember you never left LAPD. But do you know why I remember? It’s because they kept coming after you, especially Whiting!”

He partially conceded. “Whiting had reason to question my ethics, but she doesn’t, anymore. I think the fact that she specifically sought me out when she was in trouble just recently speaks to that.” He paused to take mental inventory. “Pretty much everybody else is gone, now.” 

Some to their eternal reward, others to prison, still others to the relaxation of retirement.

Kensi spent a long moment taking stock of her emotional response to what her husband was proposing.

Responses, plural. Because I’m feeling surprised, and anxious, and disappointed, and understanding, and maybe even a little encouraging. 

She’d definitely been caught off guard when he’d first brought it up, and all she’d been able to think about was the fact that she didn’t like change. But she hadn’t liked the change of partners that had led to her working with Deeks in the first place, and look at how that had turned out. And he was right about them having spent less and less time partnered in the field. 

Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have complained about that. I’d have been happy to escape him, with his constant chatter, and opining on virtually everything, especially everything to do with me, and his bad jokes, and…  She interrupted her own train of thought.  And his valor, and his looking out for me, and his empathy for the underdog, and….

“Empathy.”  She’d said it aloud.

“What?”

“Empathy. For you, it’s a muscle, isn’t it? It’s a source of your strength, and you don’t get to use it as much as you did before.”

Deeks’ eyes lasered in on hers, conveying the deep gratitude of feeling validated by being understood.

“I don’t know that I would have found quite those words, but now that you’ve said them… exactly.”

Kensi spent a long moment gazing into the middle distance, examining her new-found insight. Remembering some of the things that had made her fall in love with him. The tenderness he’d shown to some of the children they’d met along the way. His willingness to risk everything, including his life, to protect Tiffany, the young woman whose life had become derailed in her youth, and who had even needed his much-neglected attorney skills. His steadfastness in service to the errant Ray, the would-be brother of his childhood.

“Did I ever tell you,” she asked, “that I wished I’d known you when I was a teenager?”

He squinted his lack of understanding at her, prompting her to explain.

“Do you remember when I told you about how I’d been living on the streets? You know, when you had to pretend that Hetty hadn’t already told you?”

He smiled. “Hetty specifically told me that she hadn’t told me, so….”

She returned the look. “Typical Hetty. But, you remember.”

“I do.” Not certain where she was going.

“Well, I spent a lot of time that day… and many days afterward… thinking that, if only there had been someone like you in my life, back then… someone who recognized how lost I was, no matter how tough I tried to look… I thought about how I would have felt so much safer. Not safe… but safer.”

Deeks’ words came out in a whisper, soft and tender. “I wish there had been someone like that for you, too.” 

Kensi leaned in and cupped his cheek. “Well, if you’re saying that you can still be that person to another lost kid, or even an adult… I guess I get it. So, if it’s what you really want… go for it.”

His brows went up. “Really? You’re on board?” Then, grinning. “Honestly, babe, I thought you’d give me a harder time.”

“Hmph! Well, if you want me to, let me point out that you can help people and be empathetic for a lot more money as a lawyer.”

He laughed, as he was meant to do. “I’m afraid they would end up calling me ‘Attorney Pro Bono’, so no. Maybe when I get old and gray… grayer…. and out of shape. But not now.” Deeks took her into his arms. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

She grinned up at him. “Not in the last hour. So get at it.”

“Well, I do. I love you, and I thank God that I get to spend the rest of my life with you. Even if we won’t be running after bad guys together.”

She let him claim her lips for a full minute before reminding him.

“You’re making a lot of assumptions. I mean, you spoke with Nate, but don’t you have to clear it with Admiral Kilbride? Not to mention the brass at LAPD.”

He nodded solemnly. “That, I do. And Callen, and Sam. I don’t know, babe, maybe I’m just dreaming. But I’ve been thinking about it a lot, especially since we’ve had Rosa. Part of what keeps me up at night… and what’s going to keep her from ever going on a date without me in the back seat… is what I remember from my time on the streets. I know it’s not for everybody, doing that kind of work… but I think it’s for me.”

She kissed him again. 

“Then I will support you one hundred percent. Besides, you’re right. We can’t stay there forever. My day will come. It’s just not here yet.” 

Deeks gave her one more peck as a thank you. “I keep wondering when it will come for Callen, or Sam. Or Hetty! Can you imagine Hetty without NCIS? I mean, considering, I can imagine NCIS without Hetty, but the opposite?” 

“When I think about it, we’ve seen a lot of changes over the years. Really, it’s just been the four of us… you, me, Callen, Sam… who have been together for so long. I miss all of the others, but I’m glad that our core has stayed the same. Until now.”

He pulled her close once again. “Think of it as coming full circle. I’m not leaving, I’m just moving over. And you’ll still get to come home to me every night.”

“Full circle, huh? Like, maybe I should go undercover and meet some stubbly-cheeked detective, and…”

The timer on her phone sounded, calling Kensi to extract herself from his embrace. 

“Be right back.”

Deeks was chopping vegetables when Kensi returned to the kitchen, a familiar white device in hand.

“Is it positive? Does Rosa have COVID?”

Not quite able to read the look on Kensi’s face.

“It’s positive, but it’s not Rosa’s test.”

“Oh. You mean you have COVID?” 

And I was just kissing you?

“It’s not a COVID test, Deeks.”