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Proud Momma: Kensi’s Journal 03/01/20


I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Hetty unable to hide her fear for one of us, much less be willing to admit it.  And her refusal to sendme and Deeks to Egypt when there was clearly nothing more for us to do stateside was just plain odd.  I hate to say it, but maybe it is time for her to retire…

I learned something else during this experience—I can’t do this job unless I’m in the field.  I’ve occasionally toyed with the idea of working up in ops instead of leaving NCIS altogether when I get pregnant, but I don’t think I have the patience for it.  I was itching to get on a flight and help search for Fatima pretty much from the moment we heard she was missing.  And that urge became even stronger when we knew she’d been taken captive.  I didn’t want to examine it too closely at the time, but I wonder if part of that (aside from wanting to save Fatima’s life, of course) was because I didn’t want to think about my own experience in captivity.  Being in the desert searching for someone, likely dodging bullets along the way, is a great distraction from bothersome memories and thoughts if nothing else.

I certainly didn’t enjoy thinking about it being my child in that situation.  Deeks kind of surprised me, insisting he wouldn’t let our kids enter life-risking careers.  I get where he’s coming from, obviously, and I’d be a nervous wreck if a child of oursjoined the military or law enforcement.  But I’d like to think I’d be proud as hell too (and no matter what he said, so would Deeks). I often wonder what my dad would think about my career at NCIS, seeing that I followed in his footsteps and found a job that protects people, but frequently puts my life in danger.  He’d probably have worried, at least initially.  But I hope he’d be proud as hell too.

About Psyched (94 Articles)
Turns out I've been writing fan fiction since before it was a "thing" on the internet (okay, even before there was an internet). I spent many a boring junior high history class coming up with more exciting stories for my favorite soap opera characters. I continue to enjoy the creative outlet it provides in my still-boring but now adult life.

6 Comments on Proud Momma: Kensi’s Journal 03/01/20

  1. sassyzazzi // March 8, 2020 at 4:46 PM // Reply

    I think you captured Kensi’s thought process really well in terms of what she learned about herself from having to stay in LA. I also cannot see her working in ops.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your lovely comment, Sassy! I like the thought soe others have had about Kensi maybe shifting into forensics, but I really don’t think she’s suited for ops (especially if Deeks is still in the field)–she’d always want to go running out to back the team up!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You are Kensi! You catch her thoughts and feelings every time flawlessly. Thank you for that. We are happy to be able to at least read you here when not on

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hetty has held them back before when Sam and Callen were out of the country on a dangerous case so I think she worries about sending them all into danger. Kensi’s thoughts about pregnancy and working in ops are something I can’t see her doing. Thanks, Psyched for your latest Kensi’s Journal. wikiDeeks forever

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are right, Ewaguy, Hetty has held them back before, but hasn’t she had other reasons than “I don’t want to put all of my eggs in one basket” (which to me, amounts to more fear/worry than a true tactical decision, at least given the context of their conversation)? After all, it’s her job to send them into dangerous situations, and now she seems to be unable to do that with the same confidence she once did. That conversation she had with Kensi just didn’t seem like the same person who reminded Sam and Callen that she doesn’t move the chess pieces, she moves the whole damned board. And I think that’s probably the point of what TPTB is doing with the character.

    Liked by 1 person

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