Jan. 17, 2021
Martin Deeks, Special Agent, Naval Criminal Investigative Service
Roughly 12 years ago I was just going about a typical assignment, an undercover delving into a suspicious drug-related death/murder. I found myself in “hand-to-hand” caged combat with a behemoth and face-to-face with a stunning, intriguing woman. Soon after, this team (not LAPD!) rescued me from a deep cover that had gone sideways (times ten). Over time I’ve realized they saved me in many other ways.
That case ended with their leader – the most diminutive, mysterious, lethal woman I’ve ever met – pulling me not just onto their team, but into their family. Now my family. Long ago she offered me permanence, something I’d inherently longed-for, but inexplicably couldn’t accept. It was an issue of not knowing what authentically “could be”. I’d never experienced a loyal, dedicated group of people that would stand by you no matter what. While I stayed with LAPD, as it’s what I knew, “who I was”, and the pension seemed like a smart goal, I couldn’t see how… damaging it was.
While I naively and foolishly lost time and a part of myself, this part of my journey has made me so much more appreciative of where I am now, of who I’ve become, and importantly, who I now surround myself with.
My new badge represents so much more than a new job, title, and organization. (Let’s be honest, this has been in place for awhile, just not officially.) It represents not just the backing and weight of a federal agency, but more importantly a token expression of being wanted, respected, and valued. I’ll likely never know if I was truly washing-out or if that was just another Hetty scheme. (I stopped asking such questions in earnest a long time ago.) I don’t need the pomp and circumstance. Receiving my badge from (virtual) Hetty in the Mission with Kensi was perfect.
The adrenaline rush is still pretty intense, but it’s balancing out to the point I’m happy to be home instead of partying it up. It’s allowing me to be present in the moment to reflect on what has been, is, and will continue to be of greatest importance. With that I have to look no further than my physically beaming wife and partner. You’d think she was on a usual sugar-high, bouncing between giggles, tears, and confident “I knew it” declarations.
Tonight we’ll fittingly enjoy burgers, beers, and apparently a mountain of ice cream over the topic of our new introduction. I’m always entertained by provoking a rise out of Kensi, but after all the teasing, we knew it’s now going to be “NCIS Special Agents Blye & Deeks”. Hey – Blye & Deeks…. Huh. This sounds like a great title for a weekly TV crime drama!