The mission was nearly empty by the time they stumbled back downstairs, holding each other in the night air so long they almost seemed frozen, and how she wouldn’t have minded if they were, permanently frozen in a safe moment in time.
The car ride home was just as silent as the rooftop had been since she uttered those last few words, though he still clenched her hand between them, desperate for a form of contact, just as he always was after days like today, even before they went all in, before he could spend all night holding her, he was there, sitting next to her on the dirty cushions of her couch, shoulders brushing with every movement, and accidentally falling asleep together every one of those nights.
Now it was no accident that she was always pressed against him, nose buried in the crook of his neck and arms tight around his waist.
She needed it just as much as he did.
She stepped away for a few moments after entering the house, ignoring how they’d left it in the morning because God, how utterly stupid that felt now, now when she despised leaving him just to wash away the grime from her skin and hair, she swore she still tasted the smoke on her tongue.
He was perched on the edge of the bed when she reappeared, a cup of something that smelled suspiciously like hot chocolate on her nightstand and anger and frustration still radiating off him, still mingled with the overwhelming relief she saw shining in his eyes, today wasn’t their last day, but they couldn’t be sure about tomorrow.
As if hearing her thoughts, Deeks tossed his phone down on the bedroom carpeting, not caring where it ended up. “Callen texted, said not to worry about coming in tomorrow.”
Nodding silently, she rapidly curled her fingers in her oversized pajama bottoms before creeping forward, choosing to drape her legs over his thighs as she sat so close beside him she was practically in his lap, the shower seemly stripping away any lingering energy along with the dirt, rendering her incapable of doing much other than pressing her face to his shoulder, pulling in a heavy inhalation.
In the grand scheme of it all she was lucky, coming home with everything she left with, coming home to all her loved ones.
Others weren’t so blessed and God, how easy it was imagine herself as one of them, to imagine Deeks as one of them.
To see a world where they didn’t end up on the couch every night, teasing each other over boring they were over cartons of takeout and lukewarm beer; a world where he didn’t make her breakfast every morning, whether that was toasting a bagel or a using the waffle iron Nell gave them last Christmas.
A world without this.
Nuzzling further into his arm, she pressed a palm to the small of his back, securing herself against him. “I love you so much,” she mumbled, itching to say a thousand more things, but unable to come up with more than what she’d already expressed on the roof.
He was her world, sun, moon, and stars, and God she’d missed him.
Twisting suddenly, he enveloped her in his arms, pulling her closer until she truly was perched upon his lap, nearly being smothered against his chest, truly physically unable to speak now, and she didn’t care, couldn’t when he was filling the air with his own words, some she couldn’t make out through the cracks in his voice and the kisses he was continuously placing on her hair, sharp murmurs over how much he loved, just how scared he was, how he couldn’t live a day without her before falling silent again, holding her until they both fell asleep, creating another moment that seemed to last forever.
She couldn’t have been happier about it.