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A Man Full of Doubts: Deeks’ Surf Log 1/10/21


I can’t remember the last time I was this depressed. I just want to crawl and find comfort in Kensi’s arms. But I didn’t know how to take it when she joked there’s no crying in FLETC because thank god she didn’t  see me crying in the shower. I fear she would have been quite disappointed in the man she loves.

Every cell in my body is screaming in agony but damn, I kept up with all those younger cadets despite the pain and I’m proud I held my own!  But it’s my anxiety that is overwhelming me. There’s so much weighing on me to pass my training here at FLETC. I just can’t go back to the team a failure. My future, OUR future, relies on me becoming an agent. What else will I do if I fail?  That just can’t happen. I wish I believed in myself the way Kensi believes in me. But that’s Marty Deeks. A man full of doubts. Am I justified in feeling this way or am I just being a ridiculous drama queen?  I wish I knew.

About Diane (359 Articles)
Founder, Writer and Contributing Editor of wikiDeeks. Always wanted to put together a talented team of writers and graphic designers who loved NCISLA and Marty Deeks in particular! My dream came true! Hope you enjoy what we have created!

8 Comments on A Man Full of Doubts: Deeks’ Surf Log 1/10/21

  1. Oh so sad! You captured what I imagine he’d be feeling so well. I hate that the writers made him feel this way for no good reason, but you described it perfectly. Poor Deeks!!

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  2. The poor guy. 😢 Thank goodness Hetty is going to help him on Sunday.

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  3. Catherine Betham // January 14, 2021 at 10:21 AM // Reply

    This is the perfect companion piece to Karen’s letter to Gemmill. I’m still agitated over that episode.
    It’s always a treat to read your writing Diane. Thanks for doing this.

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  4. Patricia Sparks // January 14, 2021 at 12:33 PM // Reply

    It was hard to watch Deeks struggling, but there has to be a good reason the writers have done this.

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  5. Thanks all for your insights and kind words.

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  6. Doubt can be so debilitating. Rise above it, Mr. Deeks, and forge ahead. You have experience on your side.

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  7. Well done! I can totally picture this after his phone call with Kensi too. Writers makin me nervous…

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  8. If ever a hug was needed. Anxiety and self doubt, a toxic mix. You made it seem so real. We know he gets through this but……..

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