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A Man Full of Doubts: Deeks’ Surf Log 1/10/21

I can’t remember the last time I was this depressed. I just want to crawl and find comfort in Kensi’s arms. But I didn’t know how to take it when she joked there’s no crying in FLETC because thank god she didn’t  see me crying in the shower. I fear she would have been quite disappointed in the man she loves.

Every cell in my body is screaming in agony but damn, I kept up with all those younger cadets despite the pain and I’m proud I held my own!  But it’s my anxiety that is overwhelming me. There’s so much weighing on me to pass my training here at FLETC. I just can’t go back to the team a failure. My future, OUR future, relies on me becoming an agent. What else will I do if I fail?  That just can’t happen. I wish I believed in myself the way Kensi believes in me. But that’s Marty Deeks. A man full of doubts. Am I justified in feeling this way or am I just being a ridiculous drama queen?  I wish I knew.

About Diane (436 Articles)
Founder, Writer and Contributing Editor of wikiDeeks. Always wanted to put together a talented team of writers and graphic designers who loved NCISLA and Marty Deeks in particular! My dream came true! Hope you enjoy what we have created!

8 Comments on A Man Full of Doubts: Deeks’ Surf Log 1/10/21

  1. Oh so sad! You captured what I imagine he’d be feeling so well. I hate that the writers made him feel this way for no good reason, but you described it perfectly. Poor Deeks!!


  2. The poor guy. 😢 Thank goodness Hetty is going to help him on Sunday.


  3. Catherine Betham // January 14, 2021 at 10:21 AM // Reply

    This is the perfect companion piece to Karen’s letter to Gemmill. I’m still agitated over that episode.
    It’s always a treat to read your writing Diane. Thanks for doing this.


  4. Patricia Sparks // January 14, 2021 at 12:33 PM // Reply

    It was hard to watch Deeks struggling, but there has to be a good reason the writers have done this.


  5. Thanks all for your insights and kind words.


  6. Doubt can be so debilitating. Rise above it, Mr. Deeks, and forge ahead. You have experience on your side.


  7. Well done! I can totally picture this after his phone call with Kensi too. Writers makin me nervous…


  8. If ever a hug was needed. Anxiety and self doubt, a toxic mix. You made it seem so real. We know he gets through this but……..


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