I can’t remember the last time I was this depressed. I just want to crawl and find comfort in Kensi’s arms. But I didn’t know how to take it when she joked there’s no crying in FLETC because thank god she didn’t see me crying in the shower. I fear she would have been quite disappointed in the man she loves.
Every cell in my body is screaming in agony but damn, I kept up with all those younger cadets despite the pain and I’m proud I held my own! But it’s my anxiety that is overwhelming me. There’s so much weighing on me to pass my training here at FLETC. I just can’t go back to the team a failure. My future, OUR future, relies on me becoming an agent. What else will I do if I fail? That just can’t happen. I wish I believed in myself the way Kensi believes in me. But that’s Marty Deeks. A man full of doubts. Am I justified in feeling this way or am I just being a ridiculous drama queen? I wish I knew.