The Pain of Pessimism: Deeks’ Surf Log 5/2/21

When we do our jobs right and vanquish the bad guys out there, we give the world hope. It’s what gets our blood pumping and motivates us to get up and out the door every morning. Ironically, I can’t do the same for the person I love the most in the world. I can’t give her that hope. All the doctors and medical procedures in the world can’t give my love what she wants so desperately. 

I know Kensi. The despair and pessimism she shows when she lashes out at me is her way of working through the pain. She thinks she is letting me down and hates herself for it. I just have to be encouraging and optimistic because if I don’t she will fall down that rabbit hole and I’ll never find her again. I think that’s what happen after she lost her father and Jack.  She can’t ever live in that kind of disappointment again. 

I try and give her the gift of hope every day.  It gives her the time to think things through. She remembers that if nothing else we have each other. And for me that will always be enough.