Cornflower Blue: Kensi’s Journal 5/9/21

5/9/21

Deeks was right–painting the room that may one day be a nursery was a good idea.  For better or worse, I feel more hopeful now whenever I walk past and see its cornflower blue (aka my favorite color, and coincidentally the color of Deeks’ eyes) walls. Not hopeful enough to figure out the logistics of how we’re going to manage a baby with our careers one day, but enough to trust that everything will work out eventually, even if it’s not the way we’d planned.  For example, despite Deeks’ need, as a new agent, to stay with NCIS for the next few years, I’ve grown more comfortable with the idea of being in a more stable and safer job once we have a family.  And since I still have to figure out what that might be, the logistics conversation will definitely have to wait until we get to that bridge.

However, days like today do make it difficult to want to leave NCIS and fieldwork.  I admit it, I saw a lot of myself in Sienna—hell, I feel like she could have been the little sister I never had. We both come from proud military families and wanted to serve our country in that same tradition.  While I got soured on becoming a Marine after my dad’s murder, I’ve been fortunate to be able to play my part in keeping the country safe with NCIS, and even more so as a member of OSP.  So when we mentor an obviously skilled woman who’s been denied that same privilege because of her deafness, I wanted to give her that opportunity in the limited way that I could.  It was pretty cool to see how excited she was to be part of the team that recovered important military technology.  She did us, and the country, proud, and I have a feeling this isn’t the last we’ll see of her.