The Missing Pieces: Drabble 11/06/22

wikiDeeks Drabble of the Week for “Flesh & Blood”

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Even though it hadn’t been the most active day, Deeks felt completely exhausted. Well, unless you counted a 10-meter run and dodging flying gardening shears.

No, this was the kind of exhaustion that came with revisiting a past he’d spent many years trying to forget. Lost in his own thoughts, he zoned out as Rountree gave a summary of their arrest of Parson. Usually, he enjoyed chatting with the younger agent, but today, he’d been an especially poor conversation partner.

“So, how did it go with Alice Morgan?” Rountree asked, finally gaining Deeks’ attention.

“Uh, we got her settled at the safe house,” Deeks answered slowly. Alice had been appreciative, trusting even, yet still on guard. “Since Parson is in custody, she’ll probably be moved back out pretty soon, but then it’s a question of where she’s going to go. I mean, her house is still a part of a murder investigation, and given everything else that happened there… well, I’m not really sure she wants to go back.”

“Yeah, I can understand that.”

“I’ll check on her in a couple days and make sure she’s doing alright, or as well as can be under the circumstances.”

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate it,” Rountree said, fiddling with a few things on Callen’s desk. Deeks huffed out a wry laugh. To him it didn’t feel like nearly enough. “And what about you? This seemed like a pretty heavy day for you with everything going on.”

“Yeah, you could say that,” he agreed. Rountree hesitated, then finally stopped his fiddling, addressing Deeks more directly.

“I’ve never heard you talk much about your dad before this. I mean, I got the idea he wasn’t in the picture, but I never realized that—”

“He was an abusive creep who made us live in fear?” Deeks finished helpfully. Rountree dropped his eyes, looking suddenly abashed for a second. Just as quickly he gathered himself, squaring his jaw. “Not exactly the word choice I was going for, but yeah. I didn’t realize you had all of that going on. You always seem so cheerful, and then back there…” He shook his head, seeming momentarily at a loss for words. “That memory you told her about. It was awful.”

Deeks tucked his thumbs into his pockets, leaning against his desk with a loaded sigh. “You’re right, I don’t talk about my dad, or that period of my life, as a general rule because I don’t like to think about it. But I suppose I owe you a few answers now.” Rountree looked like he knew he should drop the subject, reaching to scratch the back of his head awkwardly, yet seemingly unable to stop his curiosity.

“How long?” he asked. He locked eyes with Deeks, no longer dancing around what he wanted to know. “You said you went to that baseball game with your mom in the summer of 1990, and that it went on all summer. When did it start?”

“I was five the first time my dad…let his anger take control,” Deeks answered, and just like with Alice his voice came out more quietly than he intended, and he couldn’t look Rountree in the eye. “It got worse with time.”

“Damn,” Rountree murmured. “I’m sorry, man.”

Deeks shrugged, not having it in him to accept his sympathy or shock. Whichever reaction he had to offer. “It is what it is. The important thing is that we made it through, right?”

“Because you shot him.”

“And that’s the part people usually get hung up on,” Deeks said from between his teeth. “Something about finding out you shot your dad when you were eleven, even if it was in self-defense, just doesn’t sit right.” Even now, despite his attempts to stay unaffected, Deeks couldn’t completely keep the bitterness at bay.

He paused, watching as Rountree processed everything. He seemed just as dismayed as earlier, and Deeks started preparing himself for the familiar judgment that came with knowing the full story of his past. “So, I guess the question is, what do you, Devin Rountree, think?” Deek asked when the silence had extended beyond a minute.

Rountree flicked him a troubled look, rubbing his hands down his thighs. Deeks almost thought he wasn’t going to respond at all. “You know, I’ve never really understood you,” he began, much to Deeks’ surprise. “Of course I like you,” he added hurriedly with a nervous smile. “But 80% of the time you seem like nothing bothers you. You joke, you tease, you’re the guy who brightens the mood.” He paused and shook his head. “And then in a split second, you’re this completely other guy who’s intense and intimidating, protective. I never made the connection that it’s usually women like Alice Morgan or kids that bring out that response. After today, it makes perfect sense though.”

“That still doesn’t answer my questions,” Deeks reminded him softly.

“I think Alice Morgan was lucky to have someone like you on the case. Most people probably wouldn’t have picked up on what was going on so quickly or made the effort to connect with her.” He paused again. “And I’m glad that you did what you needed to in order to be free of your dad. I think we all are.”

“Thank you, Devin.” Deeks licked his bottom lip, a little thrown by Rountree’s unexpected endorsement. “That means a lot.”

“Yeah, well, I meant it,” he said simply, once again looking slightly uncomfortable. “So, uh, do you want to grab a beer or anything?”

“Thanks, but I gotta get home to Kensi before my mom drives her crazy,” Deeks explained. He appreciated the offer but wasn’t sure he had it in him to socialize.

“Got it. Well, then have a good night, Deeks.”

“You too.” Deeks flopped into his chair with a heavy sigh once Rountree was out of sight. It never got any easier to talk about his dad, or the shooting, but at least these days he had people who cared enough to see beyond it.

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A/N: This conversation isn’t intended to reflect poorly on Rountree, or to imply that Deeks thinks badly of him. Rather that Deeks still has unresolved feelings about everything with his dad and is used to people judging him harshly for not only the abuse, but also his act of defense.