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Deeks’ Surf Log – 02/23/15

February 23, 2015

We lost Thapa today.

This entire day is just a blur. As much as my brain prefers to recall that glorious morning wake-up by my “softer lady” Kensi, my heart can only mourn the loss of a recent, but kindred spirit. It’s always horrible when one of us is in mortal danger, but the shift to the permanence of death and absence never gets easier. In fact, it only gets harder. It makes the thought of losing someone else, these people so integral to my existence (especially that one person who provides me necessary daily sunshine) so brutal to consider. Thapa’s lifelong mission was to voluntarily put himself in harm’s way. I know in a way we do that too, but how could he remain focused on that with a wife and kids back home? When do you draw the line and put a stop to the madness?

I swear every time I wake up with Kensi it feels like a dream. To finally have this openness about how we feel about each other is amazing. Yet I guess the pace in which we went “All In” has been too much. It was something I worried about when she returned from Afghanistan, but seriously, what man could keep his distance from the all-round awesomeness of my Kensalina? (And what’s up with K.K? Or is it Kay-Kay? I need to “investigate” that, cause everyone knows nicknames are MY thing!) The Gurkha was always right; I need to get “disciplined” on assessing what feels real vs what is real. Man, this ”’ship navigation” is tough.

Anyway, we did it. I think. I think we got through our first “fight”?. Honestly for two driven, action-oriented people like us, I’m not even sure if that qualified as a true point of conflict. Look at us – we used actual English words and not a single physical punishment was doled out. Talk about progress! After all these years I know I can’t push her. (Relating Bad Ass Blye to the sharpness of a Gurkha’s blade was never more true. And the way she took down that evil Gurkha in one fluid throw? Wow.)

In the end as fate would have it, I was the one needing some space. We both needed some time to ourselves. Kensi needed to find some balance between “us” and the other parts of her life. I, well, I obviously needed to deal with my grief. As if I didn’t already take solace in my partner’s incredible smile, now all I think when I see it is “home”. Thank you for that, Thapa.

R.I.P. Jemadar Thapa, 5th Gurkha Rifle Regiment, Frontier Force – fierce warrior, rare friend, and wise guiding light in the face of darkness.


About Gayle (147 Articles)
Gayle is a WikiDeeks writer and has the challenging task of penning the "Surf Log" each week. Known as "DensiLand" on Twitter, Instagram, & Tumblr, Gayle obviously "ships" Densi and has sincere love for the entire cast (& crew) of characters.

10 Comments on Deeks’ Surf Log – 02/23/15

  1. You outdid yourself with this one, Gayle. Probably my favorite Surf Log entry yet!

    I’m glad to see that your Deeks approached their night off similar to how I interpreted it while watching that end scene (over and over and over). I think either he needed space or he was in a way, honoring Thapa by taking his advice to slow down just a bit.

    I’m so sad for Deeks that he lost Thapa. Even though they’d only met twice, you could see the connection and he was so integral in giving advice to and about Densi. I’m sad that we’ll never get to see him come back again.

    And I agree that I think we can barely classify that as a “fight” (which I’m glad about!) and what matters is how they handled it and came out better on the other side.


    • Kara – My goodness! Thanks, but as you might guess this one was a struggle based on the delicate nature of the subject matter. Glad to know it hit its mark with someone. Nice to hear your input on the time away. At first I thought (like you) he needed it for himself, but was heeding Thapa’s warning about their pace. Today after reading a Tumblr drabble, a piece of me is concerned maybe he was being a martyr in giving Kensi the space she needed, but sacrificing the support he truly needed from her? Thoughts?

      I think many of us were hoping Thapa would turn into a recurring character both to aid the team and Densi. I guess it’s one of those things that shows the couple needs to figure out how to navigate their way on their own. Sigh. I think this, along with their actual and uncomfortable communication is the show delivering on their promise to show this ‘ship in a realistic manner. Bravo all around. (Although I hope we hear from Kalstein on the DVDs about the choice to kill Thapa.)


      • I admit, I do keep going back and forth a bit on if he was sacrificing his need for her in order to give her what she wanted or if he really needed the time to himself or if he didn’t even really know which he needed. I actually published a one-shot on ff yesterday with what I think ultimately happened in that he did kind of martyr himself but not in the sense that he was reluctant to do so or anything like that. More like he thought maybe the space would be good and he didn’t want to push Kensi while their “fight” was still fresh and wanted to show her that he could compromise and that he was listening to her and respecting her needs.

        What I *do* feel, regardless, is that Kensi didn’t leave with the intention to leave him to fend for himself. While I do think it would have been more realistic that she offered to postpone their night off, I don’t think she got the hell out of dodge so that she could have her night even though he was obviously upset. I think at the very least, she believed that he was the one who needed time. She gave him opportunities to say otherwise – before he even said anything when she asked whose place they were going to and then telling him to call her if he needed to. I said in my comments on Di’s review that I don’t think his comment about the night ending at midnight was anything other than him being his cheeky self and just reinforcing that HE thinks it’s awesome to spend every night together, not that he NEEDED it that specific night.

        Does any of that make sense? I feel like i started rambling and probably contradicted myself.


  2. Gayle, this is stunningly perfect. LOVE this entry! It made me tear up. It makes perfect sense that he needs time to deal with his loss. I love how Deeks accepts Thapa’s wisdom and knows he is home with Kensi’s smile. RIP Jemadar Thapa, wise friend.


  3. Awww, you got me all teary-eyed too! Great job.


  4. Kaytie Marek // February 26, 2015 at 3:42 PM // Reply

    I loved this Surf Log too! I am also sad that Thapa was killed off so soon, but I loved what you said about it making Deeks think about losing other ones they are close to. I did really want to see his engagement and marriage advice though. I think you honored very well through Deeks.

    I also really loved everyone’s interpretations of the end scene. I think after talking to Thapa, Deeks realized that maybe they are moving too fast. At first I thought maybe his comment about midnight was his way of telling her that he needed her tonight, and I had a hard time while I was watching with her not giving into his charms there and saying they would start their nights off the next night. I like how someone interpreted that part as Deeks being his Cheeky self and just letting her know how much he enjoys spending nights with her. With that interpretation it made more sense for her to shake her head and tell him to just go home.


    • The complexity of their final scene was wonderful, wasn’t it? The only way I think Kensi could stay strong against his charm was her (still) deep-seeded fear and discomfort in communicating emotional issues, which at this point her own were compounded by the loss of Thapa and Deeks’ grief. That’s a near avalanche of negative feelings for our girl. Just another instance that shows us how far they still have to go in their development.


  5. Love it! Great job Gayle!


  6. Rhonda Lara // March 1, 2015 at 1:12 PM // Reply

    Fantastic Review!


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