Sunday, January 27, 2019
Today’s not over, but I needed to grab a moment to sort my thoughts. In considering the day – and so many others like it – it sometimes feels like an action movie. Take this morning for instance. Somehow I finally got to drive the Hellcat! Awesome. However, “how” I had to drive it and literally having Callen’s life in my hands… Not awesome. This Cat literally had to drive it like we were both straight out of Hell! (Looks like all those years of enduring Kensi role playing a Grand Prix racer were actually useful, as I had to unwillingly channel that craziness to get the job done today.)
We finally got a blissful momentary reprieve. The time allowed Kensi to reflect and finally begin to independently and voluntarily voice her own questioning of how long we can live this life. I guess being one second away from us all getting blown-away finally took root. (Never mind all the times we have actually gotten shot, sliced, blown-up, and tortured?) Having learned my lesson, I didn’t push her on the topic. (Man did I learn my lesson in that parking garage last spring! I was not about to demonstrate insanity by saying the same things hoping for a different outcome. That’s never worked with Kensi in the past, so it’s not about to suddenly bring a miraculous realization now.)
My angel uttered her true intent so plainly, so beautifully – she wants to help people. Somehow I refrained from offering a copious list of professional alternatives. Yet, she’s been demonstrating this very thing and doesn’t yet seem to realize it. We’ve helped kids and mom escape Mexican cartels and international terrorists. We’ve rescued Hetty (a few times). We helped Callen find his dad (kind of). We’ve saved Southern California from more than one bomb. We’ve saved innocents who mistakenly got themselves involved with selfish evil baddies. We’ve saved wrongly-accused military and law enforcement officers. We saved an idyllic neighborhood from some nefarious Russians. She helped herself by nailing her dad’s murderer. We’ve helped each other on our team by being a surrogate family. She’s helped me… in countless ways.
Just today she effortlessly showed compassion to a homeless person and easily gave them what she could to make life even just a little easier. (Of course it helps that she know exactly what they are experiencing.) And now, as we’re separated from the guys and in the midst of community panic with these explosions, she didn’t even flinch in aiding a man in desperate need of significant medical assistance. She truly is Wonder Woman.
I know she’s scared of possibly leaving the one stable thing in her life. But as usual, I know I’m the one to help her see the opportunities. That a change can possibly bring fulfillment and value in other ways she can’t yet imagine, in ways that can give us a safer, calmer future. What might that be exactly? I wouldn’t dare guess, but helping her to finally discover it, discovering it together, is going to be amazing.