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A Matter of Timing: Kensi’s Journal


January 27, 2019

When even Deeks’ cute little nose-whistling can’t lull me back to sleep, I know it’s time to get up.  It’s weird, even though I eventually started sleeping much better (especially now that I’m back on the right side of the bed!) after my recovery, I don’t seem to need as much sleep anymore.  Mandy likes to joke that means I’m ready for motherhood, which of course is all the Cupcake Girls will be focusing on after the wedding.  

Deeks will not be looking to “knock me up” anytime soon, however.  Our discussions since the nightmare that was our argument and the mission in Mexico have been good.  We agree about kids: we want them and want to be out of the field when we have them.  We just need to figure out the timing.  Telling him this morning where my head currently is on the topic ofleaving NCIS is my part of the deal since Deeks is letting me decide when we walk away (what did I do to deserve having him in my life?).  I’m so grateful he’s willing to stay in until then, because the only thing that makes me love my job more is doing it with the man I love.  

I might only be taking baby steps, but Deeks sees I’m getting closer.  Every nearmiss makes me re-examine the wisdom of staying in a job that could kill one or both of us any day.  And it doesn’t get much nearer than one second.  Teasing Sam about it, in addition to being our way of thanking him, was also a way of acknowledging how thin the line between life and death really was for us today.  So was Sam touching both Deeks’ and my shoulders after we stopped the attack on the ship? It’s not something we can think too much about in this business, otherwise I’d just want to curl up under the covers and never come out (which isn’t a bad thing if Deeks is there too 😊).

We also can’t ignore it completely or we’ll forget we’re not invincible.  A few years ago I would have blown off the fact that Wasim Ghulam got the better of me for a moment.  Deeks was being kind when he pointed out we’d been up for 48 hours straight. The fact is I’m in the best physical shape of my life, stronger now than I was before Syria. Yet depending on the strength and ability of my opponent, sometimes that’s just not enough.  I was damned lucky I knew we were about to stop short and could let inertia take care of Ghulam while I braced myself(hmmm, maybe yesterday was slightly more than a baby step toward getting out).

But like Deeks said, no decisions have to be made today.  He also said we should stay in bed all day, so I think it’s time to rejoin him.  Or maybe notthat’s Beale’s peal coming from my phone

About Psyched (16 Articles)
Turns out I've been writing fan fiction since before it was a "thing" on the internet (okay, even before there was an internet). I spent many a boring junior high history class coming up with more exciting stories for my favorite soap opera characters. I continue to enjoy the creative outlet it provides in my still-boring but now adult life.

8 Comments on A Matter of Timing: Kensi’s Journal

  1. This was nice psyched. I think Deeks and Kensi have thought and talked so many times about when they will get out and start a family. I think Deeks is wearing Kensi down and trying to see his point of view about their future and I have a feeling he will be successful at some point. Thanks psyched. I always look forward to your fan fictions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, ewaguy. I’d like to think after their pre-Mexico argument that Kensi is trying to keep Deeks in the loop as to what she’s thinking in terms of leaving the field, and that she does a lot more thinking about after each near-miss. I think Deeks is smart, patient, and respectful enough to know he doesn’t really have to say much anymore (he didn;t push her at all in this convo–quite the opposite, in fact) and that Kensi will come to the decsion to leave on her own. Of course, the hope is that they’ll still be alive and in one piece when that finally happens. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Awesome Journal! I didn’t notice Sam touching both of their shoulders. Now I want to go back and rewatch. Glad you acknowledged that even though we haven’t seen them, they must be having discussions about their future in order to be in the good place they are now. “Beale’s Peal” what great word play there!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, I seriously doubt they could ignore the situation for however long it’s been and that this calm, respectful, adult conversation is the first time they’re revisiting the issue. “Beale’s peal” popped into my head as I was writing–I’m glad you liked it. My headcanon is that Deeks came up with it (sounds more like him, I think) and Kensi adopted/stole it. (As for Sam’s touchy-feeliness, he puts his hand on Kens’is shoulder as the camera is panning out just before the opening credits and Deeks’ during the discussion about the car.) Thanks so much for your comments, Kaytie!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Very nice, a great follow up to the episode.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have read this page many times and it doesn’t just get only more beautiful (I think your choice of words is always perfect in your stories), it also seems to hear Kensi “think” aloud.
    Here’s my favorite moment of Kensi’s reflection:
    “Every near-miss makes me re-examine the wisdom of staying in a job that could kill one or both of us any day”.
    This is, sadly, the truth. No one knows what the future holds for him/her, but it’s a fact that Deeks’ and Kensi’s job is statistically much more dangerous than others.
    We’ll see when it’s the time for them to leave NCIS. I’m only curious to see how this possible new stage of their lives may be incorporated by the authors in future episodes if 1) NCIS:LA is hopefully renewed for season 11, 2) Daniela and Eric are both still in the cast.
    I admit all this talking about the future and leaving NCIS – as much as it sounds realistic for the characters who are in their late 30s, early 40s and may feel the need to start a family – is starting to make me nervous: do the authors know more than we know?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cladani, thank you so much for your lovely comments! I can’t imagine that after their argument and Deeks’ injuries in Mexico that Kensi isn’t taking a long, hard look at every near-miss one or both of them have.

      I’m not an expert on TV ratings, so I really can’t comment on the show’s chances of being renewed for S11. But I hang my hopes on the (admittedly brief) comment that ECO made in his interview with Karen here at wikiDeeks. It was very casual, but he mentioned the possibility of a Deeks, M. ep in S10 or S11, which to me indicated that he is planning on remaining with the show should it get another season. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it until the facts prove otherwise!

      Liked by 1 person

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