January 14, 2019
What a day…is it any wonder I can’t sleep tonight? I’m still having a hard time keeping my mind off the unfairness of how much David and his son suffered in their deaths and how short their lives were. I can only hope they’re together now, wherever they are.
Deeks did an incredible job of taking care of me from the moment he returned to the scene. From the way he held me and didn’t let go until I was ready, to the bubble bath he prepared, to hearing from all of the Cupcake Girls (I don’t know what he told them, but they’re always good for lifting my spirits), to the sex-as-a-sedative, he helped distract me from today’s events for a while. Considering how emotionally exhausting the day was and how great the sex was, I really should be out cold right now.
But David’s last words are haunting me. No, not haunting, since that suggests they’re unwanted. I think they’ll be indelibly imprinted on my soul, and I want them to be. David realized his life had meaning whether or not he was successful in exposing Assad because he lived a life that included love. He loved his family and was loved in return. That really is enough. I need to remember that the next time Deeks wants to talk about leaving our dangerous jobs and having kids.
Which reminds me of how close I apparently came to losing Deeks earlier. He was right; he probably shouldn’t have told me that Turk left him out-numbered and out-gunned to seek his revenge, at least not today. But when I saw he wasn’t telling me the whole story of how they caught Naser, I pushed until he relented. The best that can be said is that it served as another temporary distraction. Deeks literally had to block me from leaving the house to have a little “talk” with Turk at the height of my outrage. There’s always tomorrow.
I think I’m finally ready to sleep, so I’m going to focus on love and not anger as I crawl back into bed with Deeks. All I need now is to curl up against my fiancé, feel his arms around me again, and know that I love and am loved, deeply. And that’s all that matters.