Love is all that Matters: Kensi’s Journal. 1/13/19
January 14, 2019
What a day…is it any wonder I can’t sleep tonight? I’m still having a hard time keeping my mind off the unfairness of how much David and his son suffered in their deaths and how short their lives were. I can only hope they’re together now, wherever they are.
Deeks did an incredible job of taking care of me from the moment he returned to the scene. From the way he held me and didn’t let go until I was ready, to the bubble bath he prepared, to hearing from all of the Cupcake Girls (I don’t know what he told them, but they’re always good for lifting my spirits), to the sex-as-a-sedative, he helped distract me from today’s events for a while. Considering how emotionally exhausting the day was and how great the sex was, I really should be out cold right now.
But David’s last words are haunting me. No, not haunting, since that suggests they’re unwanted. I think they’ll be indelibly imprinted on my soul, and I want them to be. David realized his life had meaning whether or not he was successful in exposing Assad because he lived a life that included love. He loved his family and was loved in return. That really is enough. I need to remember that the next time Deeks wants to talk about leaving our dangerous jobs and having kids.
Which reminds me of how close I apparently came to losing Deeks earlier. He was right; he probably shouldn’t have told me that Turk left him out-numbered and out-gunned to seek his revenge, at least not today. But when I saw he wasn’t telling me the whole story of how they caught Naser, I pushed until he relented. The best that can be said is that it served as another temporary distraction. Deeks literally had to block me from leaving the house to have a little “talk” with Turk at the height of my outrage. There’s always tomorrow.
I think I’m finally ready to sleep, so I’m going to focus on love and not anger as I crawl back into bed with Deeks. All I need now is to curl up against my fiancé, feel his arms around me again, and know that I love and am loved, deeply. And that’s all that matters.
wikiDeeks | Marty Deeks | NCISLA 
The first paragraph is perfect. Unfair is a word I wanted to fit into my fanfiction on this episode to describe David’s death and how close he came to exposing his son’s murder just to have it torn away from him in such a violent fashion. I don’t think I ever did actually get it in there, so I am very glad you did. I also love that you have Kensi hoping that David and his son are together wherever they are now. That is always a beautiful thought and hope.
Awe, I love the way Deeks took care of her, especially the sex-as-a-sedative part 🙂
I agree Kensi will want to remember David’s words and keep them with her. I definitely think she will be more willing to have that talk with Deeks the next time he brings it up. I think this is very possibly the way we will see how this case has changed her on the show.
Fantastic how we both had the same idea about Deeks keeping his near death experience from her for a time, and the focusing on love and not anger line! And your last line made me tear up a little bit! Well done!
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Thanks, as always, for your great thoughts, Kaytie! Even though no one used the word during the episode, “unfair” is an apt description of what David (and his family) has been through, I agree.
I filched the bubble bath and contact from the Cupcake Girls ideas from Gayle, who wrote about that in Deeks’ Surf Log; but the sex-as-a-sedative was all mine. 😉
I also agree that this experience could be what ultimately makes Kensi more open to the idea of family over work (but hey, I also thought that was the whole purpose of Deeks being the most seriously injured in Mexico, so what do I know?); although this time around at least the promo seemed to indicate this would change her life forever (maybe we’ll see an indication of that in the next ep?).
I am not surprised anymore when our thoughts and writing align with each other in little or big ways–at this point I think I’m so used to it that my first thought is no longer, “OMG, I hope she doesn’t think I stole her idea!”
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Wonderful, you wrote a perfect Kensi. This was a thoughtful ending to a powerful epsiode.
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Thank you, Sassy. Given that Kensi’s life is supposed to somehow change as a result this experience, I can’t help but imagine she’ll be giving a lot of thought to what she learned from David and his life.
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I think Kensi has finally realized what Deeks has always been telling her that they could have an amazing life together and it took that time she spent with David to finally know that for sure. As for Turk I think he has finally lost his welcome with the team as Mosley did if she had any welcome at all.
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I agree, ewaguy. David’s realization that he lived a good life because he had love in it was a powerful one for Kensi, who’s all about doing something good and meaningful with her life. I’m still on the fence about Turk, at least about how the team will deal with him. Maybe he’ll be more like a Sabatino for a while (they’ll kinda-sorta trust him, but only as long as they can keep an eye on him) until he can regain their trust. Kensi will take the longest to “forgive” him, IMO, and I really hope they have her say/do something about him almost getting HER partner killed next time Turk shows up. But Deeks was right, they whole “I saved your lives” debt has now been repaid. Thanks for your comment!
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Great job. My favorite part was her turning to love over anger. A lesson we can all benefit from.
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Too true, Karen. I can’t imagine Kensi being anything other than majorly pissed when she hears about what Turk did to Deeks, but I also hope that when she’s able to reflect on the day as a whole she realizes that the lesson she learned from David is what she needs to keep with her, not her desire to deal with Turk. (I’m working on a fic in which she does address her “concerns” with him, though!) Thanks for your review!
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Hah! When I said we could all benefit from turning to love over anger, I definitely include myself. I got way too excited when I heard that you’re writing a follow-up with Kensi taking on Turk. Yay!
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LOL, Karen! No pressure or anything! It’s started, but nowhere close to finished, and RL beckons, so don’t hold your breath…
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I’ll be looking forward to your fan fic, Psyched. I was thinking of Kensi and Turk having a little Bad-ass Blye ” discussion” in the bar after Deek’s surfing/alternative bachelor party, but that’s just my thought, FWIW.
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Thanks, Debra. At the moment, their little “talk” is happening at the beach–probably at Turk’s trailer. As worried as Deeks was about the stemware being broken at the office holiday party, I’m thinking he wouldn’t be too anxious to have Kensi confront Turk at the bar!
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Thanks, Psyched, for this beautiful page, I love how you write Kensi and her thoughts after the terrible day she spent.
This is definitely my favorite moment of her reflections:
“But David’s last words are haunting me. No, not haunting, since that suggests they’re unwanted. I think they’ll be indelibly imprinted on my soul, and I want them to be”.
I think Kensi will never forget David, his death and his message of hope and love.
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Cladani, thanks so much for your lovely comments. I think your favorite part was my favorite too, and I hope we’re right that Kensi will remember this experience, and David’s message, forever.
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