Spontaneous Joy! Kensi’s Journal 5/23/21

I don’t know what the hell he was thinking leaving Deeks his legitimate AND criminal operations, but I really hope Kirkin doesn’t end up causing my man trouble from the grave.  I doubt the House of Kirkin is worth enough to even bother selling, but maybe we can put his unused fabric up on eBay and pay for a vacation this summer.  But what the hell does a federal agent and former cop do with control of a gambling, smuggling, and money laundering empire? Arrest everyone, I suppose.  Who knows, maybe Deeks’ name will go down in the record books for single-handedly taking down multiple crime syndicates.  I can picture it now—he’ll contact all of his “people” to meet him at some empty warehouse for a get-to-know-you brunch and wham! the feds and LAPD swoop in and take them all into custody.  The biggest gambling/smuggling/money laundering bust in history!  I’ll have to remember to share that idea with Deeks, he’ll get a kick out of it.

Speaking of, it did feel good to laugh with my husband at the end of the day (especially one that started with said husband being kidnapped!).  As much as I worried and complained about it in the pages of this book for the past year, I don’t think I recognized how much my fertility problem was taking out of me.  I knew it was adding a whole bunch of stress to our life, but until recently I hadn’t realized that it had sapped so much of the joy out of it as well.  So much that even Deeks, the perfect antidote to anything negative in life, couldn’t shine a light in all of my despair.  It makes me even more sure that we made the right decision to take a break from the treatments for a while.  It’s already made a such a difference.  No more injections and their side effects, no more monthly disappointment.  And best of all, no more scheduled, regimented, or rushed sex.  I had almost forgotten how wonderful spontaneous, fun, loving sex is with Deeks.  But I’ve been reminded quite a bit this week! 😊